“True beauty in a women is reflected in her soul, it is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.” – Audrey Hepburn
I have had the most beautiful week and a bit, what a nice change! Shortly after my last post the weather started to warm up here. So much so that on my only couple of days off for February I was able to open the door of the cabin and feel a warm fresh crisp breeze come through. I slept for the most part of my days off like that. Door open with my guard dog, Borden sitting just outside and with me sleeping heavily, resting after so many days not just working, but working double shifts.
In my spare time (there isn’t much..) I have formed a love/hate relationship with firewood, or rather, the gathering, loading, unloading, stacking and splitting aspect of it. There will be days where I force myself to split a set amount of wood in a day, other days I look forward to it and feel myself growing stronger. As I write this we have entered into another cold snap, though this time thanks to my labor of love with firewood, I have a great big stack lining one of the walls of the cabin. Drying and waiting for me to get home from work and burn.
In many ways I feel like my life is so overwhelming and out of control with the amount of work I am doing now. I sometimes think if I got rid of my chickens that it would be one less thing to do in a day. I feel like a neglecting owner, never being able to give the “right” amount of care. Truth be told, chickens are extremely forgiving. Chickens were meant to endure. And oh how they’ve laid eggs! I wash them and bring them out to my Mum’s house in town before I bring them to my boss at the cafe. A trade for a meal for when I’m not on shift. Living alone makes wanting to eat not to mention cooking for myself (without a kitchen or power) I’ve never really been a heavy person but now for sure I feel the lightest I can remember in ages.
Earlier in the week, I went to the closest city (three hours away from where I’m at in the woods!). My guard dog, Borden, I’ve desperately wanted to get fixed, in an attempt to try and get a better dog out of him. Don’t get me wrong he’s a great guard dog, but for the most part he is trying to challenge my authority as pack leader. I’ve been bit by him, and bit him back, I’ve been pushed down and pushed him down. It’s been an ongoing battle, so much so that I took a lot of happiness in bringing him in. He did not go down without a fight. Putting a muzzle on him he was fine, walking across the park to the clinic he was fine, opening the door to the clinic he bolted. My fingers were caught in the leash and by the time I regained control of him and had him inside did I notice blood running down my arm. The ladies there were nice enough to let me wash and patch my hand up. While in the city waiting for Borden to be ready to go back home, I went to a lumber shop. My Mom came with me for the trip and insisted on paying for the lumber to finish the floor for the loft. I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford to move any further until I’ve paid for a lawyer next month (yikes!). I am so thankful for the flooring we picked up! I haven’t installed it yet and didn’t think I would be inspired to write until I had.
I often look to the world around me inspiration and affirmations. The past week and a half it started out as tough love from the universe and ended in support. I feel as if I can begin to trust the natural flow of life. The world around me has filled me with so much passion, love, inspiration and a drive to accomplish the things I’ve set out to do. Driving home last night I mentally went through how the new year has played out. It’s so funny how one week you can feel so defeated, filled with despair and doubt and the next feeling full and in awe of how things can sweep you off your feet and change, just like that.
On the drive home I tuned into CBC Radio 2’s “The Signal” and found myself smiling the whole way home, listening and laughing to some of the best mix of music I’ve heard in a very long time. I found the play log online and put together a player of some of it, for you to enjoy. What a lovely adventure of ups and downs life can be. Thank you to everyone for their continued support.